i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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