I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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