you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
