someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I came so hard my ears popped.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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