I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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