you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
