So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
