he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
