shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
