I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
