And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
