yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
