She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
