Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
