I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
