hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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