I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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