I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
