Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
