I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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