sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
