she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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