Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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