So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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