The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
