i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
