Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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