I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
