so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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