well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
