take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he was CRYING into my vagina
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
