is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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