Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
