I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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