Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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