I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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