well I can't set my house on fire every night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
