your parents love me but you hate me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
