I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
