So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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