I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
