her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
