lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
