a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
