he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
