They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I need to align my fucking chakras
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
