i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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