i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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