yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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