You made me cry and you don't even care
Betty ford says i'm here all night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
