You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
