I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
